tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
