naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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