Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
