last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm bleeding and have questions
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
