New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
