i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
