You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
