if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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