a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
