I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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