Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it was like eating out sand paper
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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