Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
