So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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