So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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