I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
