you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The feeling are messing with the penis
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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