I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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