you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
