mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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