We need to rekindle our bromance
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
