There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
