Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
