once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you inspire me to be a worse person
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
