I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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