we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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