nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
