Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
