Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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