Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
