I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
