I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
