hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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