Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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