I didn't shave. On purpose
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
