Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
