Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
