dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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