i barfeds in our rink
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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