You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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