The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
