I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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