are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
