Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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