Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
