best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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