What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
