know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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