just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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