She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
