if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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