I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They took my balls.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
