I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
