Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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