And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
