I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drunk is not a location!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
