Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
