There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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