I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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