Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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