So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
