shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
