There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
