Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
