Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
