areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
