u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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