hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize