well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
