Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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