Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
