This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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