I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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