Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the day after is always just damage control
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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