How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
