the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
