do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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