So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize