just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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