On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
