I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
