You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
